3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
