Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just puked most of my soul out..
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