Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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