Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The uberlube is also flammable
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
