Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
