Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
