I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize