Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
