dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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