this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We left the knife in your bed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just pee around me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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