This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize