I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
