maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize