Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
