I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
