My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
