you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
