My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
