i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
