I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
