you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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