apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
