I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Are we still banned from the library?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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