a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
