dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
