i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
