I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
