I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
