I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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