I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
