My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize