I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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