and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
