i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
