Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
