I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
