Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
