Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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