Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
