She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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