so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
