Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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