Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
