Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize