What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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