8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
