Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize