you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize