The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
