He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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