Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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