She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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