Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
