if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
