i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
