the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
