Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
