So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
