i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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