apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just blew my weed a kiss
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
