I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
