You smell like stripper and shame
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
