Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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