allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
