Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize