She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
