I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
