fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
