i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
