make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
