I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
