Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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