I just made out with a guy for $7.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
