She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
