Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
