i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
