u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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