listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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