What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
