maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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