I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
