I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
