I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
