do herpes really smell.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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