Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize