Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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