finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
