We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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