How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
