i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Vodka?
Forever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
