please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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