everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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