There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
