I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
