ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
