My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
