So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
